Owe this book an explanation

This book has been finished for 4 months, I think it's too late to explain now.
At that time, I didn't say much because I felt it would be too melodramatic, so I didn't say anything.
Now, I'm saying it because there probably won't be many people coming to see this book anymore. I want to come out and summarize it for myself, which is also a way to give myself an account. Also, it's for the future, in case one day I flip through this book again and see what I've written now, it will remind me how to avoid mistakes.
1，
After this book ended, a long, long time, several book friends said to me: the girls in this book are written too tragically!
Tragic?
I was stunned at the time.
But thinking about it carefully, it is indeed very tragic.
How miserable can it be?
Miserable to the point of triggering my depression, hahaha!
That's right... the me who used to be healthy, positive, and always posting uplifting messages on social media, can you believe that I actually developed depression because of writing a book! Ha!
This is not being affectatious.
In fact, I did not grow up in a healthy environment. There are deep childhood shadows in my heart that are difficult to overcome. I struggled with them until I was 24, escaping to unfamiliar places to live, and then returning home in embarrassment. Later, a book that I wrote achieved success, and I was greatly loved by readers, making me think that I had truly let go of that shadow.
I have been fighting for so many years, pretending to be very happy, very carefree, very positive, and also spreading positive energy everywhere.
But in reality, when it comes to writing about "the peach blossoms in people's faces that pierce the soul", I am already unable to carry on.
书里的女孩们好惨啊。
她们的经历就是在提醒着我的过去。
Soul Stabbing第一次更新开始变得不稳定，是因为这个吧。
编辑因为更新来找我的时候，我的回复是：我想自杀，又哪里还有力气去管更新？
那段时间里，每天都在哭，眼泪都没停下过，而我，明明从小到大都是那么倔强的一个人，明明受到欺负也不掉泪的人。
Since then, I really have no way to pretend to be positive energy, I can't love this world anymore.
In the previous years, I still pretended to be a filial child, telling everyone to love, understand, and respect their parents. But now I can't say that anymore, because underneath my skin, it's all negative energy.
I try so hard to please my parents, but I'm afraid they wouldn't be too sad if I died.
When I had a depressive episode and told people around me that I wanted to commit suicide, my father told me to go ahead and die, my friends thought I was joking, and those who cared about me would come and persuade me to be responsible for my family, for myself, etc... But the truth is, if a person with depression really wanted to be responsible for themselves, they wouldn't be depressed in the first place.
Depressed patients need not chicken soup, not advice, but understanding and companionship.
2，
Today I went back to the previous messages, and there was a message from September, where a reader said they contacted the official of Hei Yan, and the official said the author has depression and is being treated...
笑cry……
没这回事。
我抑郁的时候，没有和任何人说起，甚至自己都不知道那是抑郁，只是有很长一段时间想要自杀，刀都拿起好多回了。
When I realized that it was depression, it was already half a year later that I found it on the Internet when I was bored and flipping through it. At that time, my state... was okay, except for the overwhelming negative energy, I temporarily didn't have suicidal thoughts, let alone seeking treatment.
抑郁症患者并不是天天都明摆着“我是抑郁症”的，其实很多抑郁症患者自杀前一天，大家都以为他是三观极正、富有正能量的人。
我只是其中一例。
说这个，也不是矫情什么的。如果今天写的这个文章能被人看到的时候，希望大家不要忽略掉身边朋友发出的“危险警告”，不要以为一个人说“想自杀”是开玩笑的，那可能是他最后的挣扎。
Thanks to the person who always accompanied me at that time.
3，
Online writers, in fact, are also a group of people who are prone to depression.
I know a few, but now everyone is living well.
比如a（代号）。
我认识他的时候，我21岁，他27岁。
那时我还是阳光向上还有点中二的三好少年，他是的有一个孩子的父亲了。
有一年，他不断和我说他想离婚，想自杀，想买部车，带着一个美女一路丢套一路开去拉萨，然后死在洁白的雪山里。
I thought he was joking and the joke was really nasty, so I didn't take it to heart.
Last year, at the age of 26, I finally experienced that kind of pain.
What I thought was that I would die in front of my parents, never for them to send off. I thought about going out to live, locking myself in a small dark room, writing desperately, not going to see a doctor when I got sick, and then dying from overwork in front of the computer, with my body rotting and smelling in the small dark room before someone found it. I also thought about writing a suicide note to tell my family that after I die, please cremate me, don't bury me in the ground, don't make a spiritual tablet for me, please throw my ashes into the trash can, because I am just garbage.
And when getting through it, talk to a, both seems to understand everything.
I have seen authors on the forum describe their writing bottlenecks, months of effort come to nothing, and almost jump off the building.
还有好几个吧。
不多说了。
说多了矫情。
希望大家温柔点，不要觉得作者说自己病了是在开玩笑的。
4，
现在的我，尽量对自己的兔子好一点。
Why do depression patients need a cat the most?
Because when a depression patient cannot control their urge to commit suicide, a small life gently meows at your feet, which makes you realize that there is still a weak life relying on you in this world. Therefore, you will put aside the thought of suicide and obediently go back to cleaning the litter box. (True!)
I don't keep cats, but I have a rabbit.
A 3-year-old haughty rabbit.
Suddenly, I remembered last year when my cat was poisoned at home, I took it to the hospital, my parents said it wasn't worth it. At that time, I suddenly thought, actually, if I were sick, they wouldn't want me to see a doctor either. More than me seeing a doctor, they care more about the money I spend on seeing a doctor - for this, I cried twice.
Once, it was when the cat died.
The second time, it was when I fell ill in the mountains without any medicine, and suddenly broke down.
These depressive factors are lurking in the shadows, ready to emerge at any time.
In the new year, I will buy fresh flowers for myself, change the water every two days, go out to buy new flowers every week, force myself to move around, and hope to maintain a peaceful mood all the time.
5，
当时，挺过抑郁症后，又生了两场重病。
第一场是腰疼。
某天醒来就特别疼，那种疼是躺着都疼，上厕所就别想蹲下去了，千辛万苦蹲下去后就不一定能再站得起来了。
It took more than half a month to cure this illness, and it was painful for about a month.
It's quite difficult to persist in writing.
So there was a long interruption for the second time.
After my back got better, I wanted to cheer up, but not long after that, I went into the mountains and couldn't get used to the local food (every dish was spicy), and I have a tendency to get inflamed easily, so I had ear inflammation, tonsillitis, and tracheitis all at once. There are no doctors or pharmacies in the mountains, so I had to endure for 2 weeks before coming out. When I returned home, I had a high fever. At that time, it was summer vacation, and I lay in bed for a day (with a fever). The next day, I couldn't bear it anymore, so I got up, covered myself with a blanket, shivering, and went to the clinic. I attracted a lot of attention on the way!
This inflammation and suppuration took about half a month of injections in the hospital to go away.
So,
Depression + back pain + inflammation, all took about 3 months of time, a quarter of the year passed like this, and for a book, there were too many accidents along the way, and it died prematurely.
Even if I adjust everything and come back to write again, I can't find the original train of thought.
So I left it unfinished.
Not only unfinished, but also wrote a disgusting ending to upset everyone.
6，
关于心态，当时真不好，以为没人看了就随便写一个结局，以为没人看了就想要报复社会写个恶心人的结局。
等到完结后，看到书友们陆陆续续的留言，才知道这个做法有多恶劣。
However, I can no longer make it right.
It's all too late.
I can only keep this mistake in mind and never make it again in the future.
This incident has taught me that no matter what, there should be no desire for revenge against society when writing a book, because it will eventually backfire on the author.
Remember: no matter what happens in the future, don't be wilful with the words you write!
7，
As for the body.
Be kinder to yourself in the future.
Don't sit for long periods, move around more, like going out to walk the rabbit.
Don't eat too much spicy food to avoid inflammation.
Work hard on writing, even if you have to go and get a shot, as long as your head is not hurting, just keep on working hard!
8，
In 2019, start learning to write a good ending.
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