第192章 证明

分析完现在的局势，白夫人似乎也累了，叹了口气，起身感慨起来。
“檀儿年纪大了，我说话也不听了，现在处理起其他的事情来，也有点力不从心了。京墨啊，你说说，我该怎么办？”
“……夫人不要这么说，一切都会好起来的。”
京墨不擅长安慰人，张了张嘴，只勉强憋出来了一句话。
“算了，我只能将一切都寄托给时间了。”
白夫人无奈一笑。
“我已经说了很多年这句话了，没想到时至今日，也还是要说这句话。”
她推开紧闭的门窗，迎着光，迈开了步子。
Jing Mo quickly turned around. She remembered that Bai Tan was outside, and both of them seemed to be holding a grudge. If they started arguing now, it would escalate the situation.
White sandalwood is outside, facing away from the house, looking up at the sky lost in thought. Surprisingly, Madam Bai didn't say anything, but quietly stood beside him, imitating his posture and looking up at the sky together.
"There's nothing worth seeing."
Surprisingly, it was Bai Tan who spoke first.
没想到白檀一开口就是这么一句话，京墨心都提到了嗓子眼，生怕白夫人生气。
But Madame Bai seemed to not hear anything, and simply continued to look upwards at the sky quietly.
If time could stop in this moment, then these two individuals would definitely be the most beautiful and harmonious mother and son in the world.
It's a pity, this is just a fantasy of Jingmo.
After only standing for a moment, Mrs. Bai lowered her head again, looking at the bluestone bricks under her feet, and then walked away from the Pine and Bamboo Courtyard step by step.
Keimo quietly watched her leaving figure, for a while, not knowing how to describe it.
"You stayed, so let's have a talk."
After a while, the voice of White Sand came from beside him.
\"Why do you always maintain such a formal relationship with Madam?\"
Since he himself proposed to have a chat, Jing Mo wouldn't be polite with him. His curiosity that had been bottled up for a long time finally burst out, and he didn't mind his status as a host or his position, asking his question.
"Madam has always wanted to repair the relationship between you and her, and she has made a lot of efforts. She has specially made a list of things you like to eat and use. She knows your things better than her own on ordinary days. Even if you use a few more chopsticks of dishes than usual, she will ask for clarification. Madam is so dedicated to you, why do you always refuse her kindness?"
White Sandalwood turned to Jingmo, and within the ink-colored eyes there brewed a depth of meaning that Jingmo could not understand.
"Do you think this is being kind to me? Do you think this is being thoughtful?"
He successfully questioned Jingmo.
"Is this... not enough?"
If someone treated her like this, she would definitely be moved. However, when faced with Bai Tan's questioning, Jing Mo was a little hesitant to speak.
“So are you just too easy to fool, little one?”
Jing Mo widened his eyes and gave Bai Tan a fierce glare, but all he received was his confident and smug gaze.
“Perhaps it's diligent for you, but for me, the things she painstakingly remembered are something any attentive maid could easily remember.”
Drooping her eyes, Bai Tan voiced her thoughts to Jing Mo.
“Maybe I'm just too cold-hearted, I don't get moved by trivial things.”
“Then what would it take to move you?”
This person is really a bit heartless. Jing Mo can't stand the way he treats Lady Bai, even his tone of speech is a bit unpleasant.
"I don't know, maybe in your eyes, I seem a little insensitive. But this is all true, I have never lied to you."
Bitan doesn't mind Jingmo's bad tone. In fact, his temper is exceptionally good today. Even if Jingmo scolds him in his face, he probably won't get angry.
"Besides, this is ultimately my family affair. No matter how much you say, I can't do it according to your wishes."
“There are some things I cannot explain to you, but I have seen too much since I was young, so every time I spend time with my mother, I always feel a bit unsure of how to face her.”
He said a lot without actually saying anything.
Jingmo was slightly shocked and finally kept quiet, not trying to persuade anymore.
Baitan was right. This was indeed a matter between Mrs. Bai and Baitan. As a mere little maid, she had no right to interfere with her master's affairs.
心里这样想着，面上就忍不住带出几分难过来。
每一次都是这样子，京墨总觉得跟白檀之间有了深深的隔阂。即使这不是她想要的，但这一道隔阂，并不是说消除就能消除的。
Wouldn't it be that Bai Tan has always regarded himself as a lowly slave, an unimportant person, a pet only used for entertainment during leisure time?
Once this idea appeared, it began to linger in Jingmo's mind and could not disappear for a long time.
He looked up and accidentally collided with the towering sandalwood in his eyes. When sandalwood looks at people, it's always very gentle.
Jing Mo helplessly discovered that this tenderness did not belong solely to him. It seemed that he was tender towards anyone.
"...Master, do you look down on me?"
What?
Even Li Jingmo was surprised himself.
He didn't expect that he had actually asked his thoughts out loud. Jingmo covered his mouth in shock, his actions clumsy and looking pitiful.
"Can you say it again? I didn't hear you clearly just now."
Bai Tan said helplessly. He really didn't hear clearly, but looking at Jing Mo's helpless appearance, he had to soften his voice and encourage Jing Mo to say it again.
How could you say that again? It was embarrassing enough just now. Saying it again would be even more humiliating.
These self-deprecating words feel like a knife in Kyoto's heart every time she says them. She's not the type to enjoy self-inflicted pain and doesn't want to reopen her still-healing wounds for others to see.
“没什么，我就是问你看天空做什么。”
“我听见你叫我少爷了。”
白檀不是傻子，安静地直视着京墨。
“你既然提到了这两个字，说明你刚才说的不是什么小事。京墨，除了刚开始认识的时候，你从来没叫过我少爷。我请你再说一遍，告诉我你刚刚到底说了什么?”
Answering him is only silence.
“If you are not willing to speak, then our problems will never be solved. Do you want that? Do you want us to either argue or fight every time we meet, either be angry or angry, do you want that?”
Jing Mo blinked her eyes, and something unknown seemed to streak across her face. She unconsciously raised her arm to wipe it, only then realizing that it was a tear rolling down her cheek.
"Don't cry, let's solve the problem together, okay?"
Baitan sighed softly and didn't blame Jingmo.
"I spoke too harshly just now, I apologize to you. Now I ask again, are you willing to tell me again what you just said?"
The gentler his tone, the more tears Jingmo couldn't help but shed.
"Why are you being so reasonable."
"Because I want to resolve things, I don't want to argue with you anymore. In a few days, I will pack up and get ready to leave. I don't want us to end up fighting in the end, that would be meaningless."
Rubbing Jingmo's head hard, Baitan no longer concealed the truth and spoke out.
Jingmo was stunned and couldn't help but panic.
"But didn't you say, didn't you say you still have some time before you leave?"
"My teacher is urging me to go back, I can't stay any longer. I've been at home for a year, if I continue to waste time like this, I'm afraid I won't be able to pass the exam."
"You're so smart, how could you not pass the exam!"
But Baitan just smiled and didn't think so.
"In order to reduce the war, many old officials were retained. In recent years, the social stability has increased, the emperor needs to cut officials, and the struggle in the officialdom will definitely not be calm."
Although he was concerned about Lady Bai in his heart, he wouldn't say much in front of Jing Mo.
"For these years, they haven't held any scientific exams. There must be many people holding back their ambitions. When the emperor cleans up the official circles later, the competition is likely to be fierce."
So now we need to work harder.
Finally, although White Sandalwood didn't say it explicitly, she has already expressed her attitude.
"So now, would you like to share your thoughts with me?"
He looked at her with sincere eyes, and Jīng Mò's heart skipped a beat.
"Will you...look down on me?"
"Why do you say that?"
Bái Tán was a little confused and didn't understand why Jīng Mò would think this way.
也许是自己听错了?
他对于自己刚才听到的那一句话感到可笑，京墨一向是很聪明也很自信的，怎么可能问出那样子的话呢?
He tilted his head and couldn't help but want Jingmo to say it again.
But when he lowered his head, he only saw the little hair whirl on top of his head, and realized that he had not misheard.
"I have never looked down upon you, I regard you as my best...best friend. You are very intelligent and kind, one of the few women I have admired. You should be confident, not feeling that I look down on you."
It seems that just relying on this sentence is not enough to prove that she is valued. Bai Tan thought for a moment and pulled Jingmo into the room.
"Maybe just talking with my mouth won't prove anything. I think if I do this, maybe you will believe what I say."
Jingmo foolishly watched Baitan's every move and was passively pulled into the house, watching him busy himself.
"This is a golden lock that the elders of the clan specially made for me when I was born. Later, as I grew older, I thought this lock was useless, so I deliberately split it in half. Originally, I only split it open for fun when I was bored, and now I'll give you half of it as a symbol of our friendship."
Looking at the half gold lock handed over by Baitan, Jingmo didn't know what to say.
She was indeed a bit moved, but also couldn't help but be speechless.
How could someone, just for fun, break the lock they wore as a child into two halves? She deliberately checked, this gold lock is solid, and it's not easy to break it open.
"Do you believe me now? Do you think I really consider you as a friend?"
White Sand was somewhat anxious about Jing Mo's thoughts.
Jing Mo just looked quietly at the half piece of golden lock in his hand, feeling helpless.