第十七章 选择与背负

见过和恶魔和平相处的灰骑士么？
眼下就有一批。
加尔文和一众灰骑士在海兰的带领下一路走进了巢都最顶端的大厅，也是一切故事开始的地方。
After walking past the chapel, Haran pointed to the bush in the banquet hall and said:
"It's this one, can you also feel it? It is the being that corresponds to me — the Cancer of Eternity."
Following its guidance, Calvin spotted the bush that could easily be overlooked without a reminder.
In Calvin's eyes, its diminutive body was filled with the beauty of life, with emerald green leaves and crimson berries that instantly brought joy to the heart.
但在显露物质真实的灵能视界中, 它则露出了属于亚空间生物那丑恶乖离的本质形态。
透过眼前的砖石加尔文能看到它无法看到边际的庞大的触须，当初在巢都的夹层中他们遇到的就是这个玩意的某个触须的分支罢了。
眼前的这个东西的真实大小，恐怕只有把巢都整个全都拆了才能看得清楚。
相较于面前这株灌木的体型。加尔文不得不承认这东西与其说是这个名叫“永世之癌”的恶魔本体，不如说是它头顶上佩戴的冠冕还差不多。
"So what? Did you bring us here just to see this? I already know about its existence from the files you prepared," Calvin said to Helen, who stood off to the side.
"I can only die behind it," Heilan said to Galvin.
“否则在我死去的那一瞬间，它就会升魔。完整的它是什么样子，你们不会想见到的。到时候，整个星球、整个星系都不会有什么东西能够扼杀它的存在了。宏炮都不行。”
“可如果按你所说先死的是它，那么同样，你难道不会成为我们的大麻烦？”加尔文的思路很清晰。
“是的，就是这样。如果先一步死去的是它。那么我同样会得到这个星球上所有生命生灭轮回的完整过程。那么到时候我同样无法控制我自己。”
Hai Lan admitted. In the face of this deadlock, which was bestowed by a merciful father, there was really no solution.
After all, for deities, the so-called wisdom of mortals or their desperate struggles can only be laughed off in most cases.
众人陷入了沉默之中。
时间越来越紧，混沌的仪式不会停止。
如果再拖延下去，加尔文在另外的六个星球上的战友们所面临的只会是更加绝望的境地。
“你说它现在没有完美，对吗？”沉思中的加尔文忽然问道。
“额，是的。”海兰回答道。
“它需要什么？物质？还是仪式？”
"Both exist. The substance is on my body, and when I die, it can obtain it. The ritual is the necessity to retrieve the fruits it has borne with its roots. That is where its power lies."
“就是那颗？”
“就是那颗, 但你别想着毁灭它。没有用的。”
"Why?"
“那个果子是整个巢都的灵魂凝聚而成。那是他们所背负的罪, 也是我的罪。它同时存在于这里和亚空间。它是一种“因”，而不只是“果”, 你明白吗？”
“必须有人拿走？”
“对, 只能拿走。但那是何等庞大的负担？没有谁能扛得住这样的冲击！那玩意不论是谁碰了，都会瞬间就被同化掉的。”
“但只要有人去承担这份罪，这个仪式就被打断了，不是么？”
“当然，但谁会去承担？那可是整整数亿人的灵魂之暗！”
"I understand"
Calvin turned around and looked at Hailan, confirming with it, "If this fruit is taken by a third person, then you will no longer have a reason to live, is that right?"
海兰似乎也明白了加尔文的想法，他知道眼前的这个人是不会听他的劝告的。
或者说，能让这些天使们忍受他这么久而没有动手，这本就已经出乎他的意料之外了。
"If they had come in the first place, it would have been so much better..." Hailan thought to himself.
Ah, his thoughts were diverging again. This was the prelude to him succumbing to instinct, and he didn't have much time left to conscientiously settle his affairs. He quickly replied:
“是的，是这样。这是我唯一坚持到现在的理由。如果，我是说如果你能承受这样的负担，那么我将再无遗憾。以父神的名义，我发誓，我甘愿就此归于尘土，再无往生。”
Another sigh-like sound emerged from Hai Lan's ear.
The lively energy that was once present in it seemed to also sense the conflicting intent of its owner's heart, which deviates from the life-sustaining will symbolized by a beloved father.
绿色的皮肤开始变得黯淡, 原本肥硕的体型也开始立竿见影地瘦削下去。
生命的力量在背叛他。不, 准确地说, 是在感受到他对生命之主的教义的背叛后, 这些原本就不属于他的力量在厌弃并离开他。
Hailan also felt these changes originating from himself.
He shouted loudly to Calvin, "Come on, if you want to do it! Please hurry up! Father is abandoning me! It's almost complete!"
Calvin, who was alerted by the sound, took a big step over the psychic gate that did not exist for anyone other than Helan, and walked straight towards the bush.
Eternal Cancer, the name of this demon.
It also seemed to sense that its end was near.
The entire foundation of the palace trembled under the shaking of its own foundation.
Outside the palace, the gigantic tentacles, several tens of meters tall, were forcefully thrashing against the outer walls and domes of the palace.
开裂的墙体不断地有碎石和零碎的装饰从上空掉落。
来自生命最本能的警觉和恐惧让它放弃了慈父的考验。
它现在没时间去想着升魔的事了！
It just wants to break the walls surrounding it, so that its tentacles from far away can crush this damn human in front of it!
No! First, it needs to prevent this human from coming closer!
灌木从枝丫上的绿叶变得前所未有地富有生命力，那翠嫩的绿色甚至让人怀疑它是否真的存在在这个世界上。
那是绿色的生命力与灵能正在从永世之癌那深藏于地下的、那看不见头尾的身躯中被抽调。
A visible shockwave ripples outwards in concentric circles, simultaneously testing the strength of both the body and willpower of those who approach it.
This kind of test also comes at a high cost!
But it no longer cares, it struggles in its dying moments!
那可怕的浪潮下是它在亚空间里中几乎化为人声的怒吼：
“滚开！你这渺小的臭虫！别碰我！离我的身躯远一点！”
加尔文前进的步伐被这股浪潮向后退去，他第一时间就开启了磁力靴将自己牢牢地抓在地面。
对灵魂的冲击在加尔文看来没什么大不了，充其量就是让他因为突如其来的耳鸣而歪了歪头。
但对肉体的冲击让他有些头疼，以他连人带甲接近两吨的重量还差点就在这股浪潮下直接被吹飞。
加尔文索性激活了自己的灵能护盾，配合着磁力靴一起，一步一步地正面顶着对方的怒吼和挣扎向着对方所在的喷泉走去。
五步：“轰！”“滚开你这肮脏的短生种！下贱的人类！”
四步：“轰！”“别碰我！等我出来了，我要一遍一遍地捏死你们所有人！”
Three steps: "Boom!" "Stay away from me! I don't want to see you!"
Two steps: "Boom!" "No, please! Don't touch me!"
One step: "Boom!" "No! I don't want to die! I have never seen the real universe! I haven't even breathed a breath of true air! I haven't even seen the sun! Please, spare me! I curse you! You will surely pay the price! My weight is not something ordinary mortals can bear! I curse you! Traitor who repays kindness with enmity! You will live forever in my father's fury!"
加尔文终究还是走到了这株灌木的身边，他认真地看着眼前这株不该存留于世的奇葩。
在它那已经因为过度使用灵能而黯淡的树叶顶端，就是那颗被整座下巢的生命与灵魂供养而成草莓一样的果实。
On the freshly red and crisp fruit, each tiny particle appears exceptionally smooth.
However, if you look closely, even ordinary people can vaguely see the faint traces of countless souls crying out on those particles.
加尔文伸出手，终结者动力甲那巨大的钢铁打造的手甲将那枚果实轻轻掐住。
周围喧嚣吵闹的灵能浪潮和被触手疯狂抽打而摇晃的大殿瞬间归于安静。
Knowing its own impending death, the eternal cancer trembled through the entire thicket, just like an animal.
It was so unwilling, yet so pitifully lowly. If Calvin hadn't witnessed the sins it had committed, he might not have had the determination to destroy it. Translated:
But there's no 'if'.
加尔文最后看了一眼远处一直注视着这里的海兰，对方也在与加尔文的目光碰撞后回以肯定的眼神。
终结者的手甲内的伺服电机感受到了加尔文的意志，电磁肌肉以轻微却坚定的力量向上一提。
The red fruit was plucked under Calvin's gaze.
Without further scrutiny or communication, Calvin swallowed it in one gulp.
"No!" This was the final testament of eternal affliction.
从因果上被彻底切断与果实的归属关系的它，再也没有了存在的意义。
The self-igniting spiritual fire instantly spreads from its core.
在这一刻甚至从太空上都能看到整座巢都外表的各个角落突然被这股白色的火焰填满，雨水对此也无能为力。
加尔文则在吞下果实的一瞬间，就被其中存在的无以计数的灵魂所冲击。
精神世界中他金色的灵魂，在庞大的黑色浪潮中就将是暴风雨中的灯塔一样忽隐忽现。
如此的冲击之下，他再也不能维持意识在现实中的清醒。
失去意识的他向着空地上倒去，终结者内部的伺服第一时间就察觉到了加尔文生命体征的异常，但是连续五支自动注射的兴奋剂都未能将他唤醒。
The heavily armored Terminator finally, devoid of its master's control, slammed into the exquisite floor, leaving a distinct dent.
The Grey Knights' already heavy hearts reached their breaking point upon witnessing Galvin's fall.
They quickly divided themselves into groups to help Calvin up, while the remaining people immediately pointed their weapons towards the direction where Heilan had been standing.
However, Heilan was no longer there.
或者说，在加尔文吃掉果实的那一刹那，已经对慈父许下背离生命的誓言的海兰就已经自我毁灭了。
他曾经站立的位置上，除了一些曾经证明他存在的灰烬以外，就只有他生前心心念念不曾有一刻丢失的那些“宝贵的财富”。
那些他还能被称为人类时，他的战友们为他留下的财富，他不能成为人以后，一直用作心灵的锚点，去坚守着一颗人心的财富。
“诶……”空气中似乎又响起了一声叹息，似乎又没响起过。