Chapter 65: Persistence After Surgery

Back to the mortal world, it seems like a rebirth.
Lying quietly in the intensive care unit, at this moment, it seems like the effects of general anesthesia are slowly wearing off. The whole body feels weak...
Gradually, I can hear the sounds around me, the world is no longer in silent mode.
Knowing that I haven't left this world, I feel much more at ease. I don't know when, but I fall asleep again.
When I wake up again, I am back in the hospital room.
"Do you feel uncomfortable? Mom is by your side, be strong."
It was my mother's voice, and I tried hard to open my eyes to see her, but I couldn't.
"Why can't I open my eyes?"
With the little energy I had left, I asked my mother.
"Your wound hasn't subsided yet, your whole head is swollen, your eyes, your little face, all swollen, so you can't open your eyes."
My mom explained to me, her voice filled with strong sobbing.
"Mom, are you crying? Mom, don't cry, I will be good. Mom, please don't reject me."
I anxiously said to my mom, tears already streaming down my face.
Because my eyes were swollen, the tears were not very noticeable, but my mom still noticed. She quickly took a cotton swab and wiped away my tears.
After the surgery, my voice has become so gentle. It is completely different from my pre-surgery self. My previous voice could be described as a "tigress," but now it can be described as "silly and sweet."
"What's wrong with this baby doll? Why is it crying? It's such a sudden change. I just said to be strong, and it started crying."
"Mom is inside the hospital room, whispering to someone by her side. I don't know who she's talking to or who is taking care of me in the hospital room."
Hearing my mother's words, I burst into tears once again.
"Why are you crying again? Is something bothering you?"
My mother hurriedly came to my side, holding my little hand and wiping away my tears.
"Mom, am I burdening you? Do you dislike me? Will Mom not want me anymore?"
My voice has now become what it is today, like that gentle and delicate southern little girl.
"How can you despise our precious little baby? Why is she crying so much now? When she was little, we couldn't even make her cry with a beating. She didn't even cry during such a major surgery, but now she starts crying after it."
Mom must have countless unknowns and doubts in her heart, curious about such a change in me.
"I will go ask the doctor, why do you cry so much after the surgery? Is there any sequelae of the operation?"
At this time, the ward is quiet, and I am still living in my own world, not wanting to talk, move, or hear any sound.
What's wrong with me?
What happened to me?
Why can't I move?
The whole body burns hot, the mouth is dry, and the headache and head pressure come on all at once.
Finally, the doctor revealed that there is more or less an impact on the patient's personality after the surgery.
"Is your mouth particularly dry? Mom will help you wet a gauze to gently wipe your lips. You still cannot drink water for now."
Mom, who was sitting beside me, gently talked to me. After my previous crying moments, she became so nervous that she was afraid of speaking too loud and scaring me into tears.
At this moment, I seemed to have become the center of attention for everyone. Every day, there were waves of people coming to see me in the ward, but I could no longer summon the strength to open my eyes.
Perhaps, swollen eyes make no difference whether they are open or closed.
At the moment when I couldn't open my eyes, my hearing became so sensitive that I could distinguish who entered, who whispered, and whose footsteps.
However, the fever has not subsided after surgery.
"38 degrees."
"38.7 degrees."
"37.9 degrees."
It has been a week, and the high fever continues.
"We have no solution. The patient continues to have a fever, and we have never encountered such a situation during surgery. We can only rely on the patient's own immune system."
The doctor helplessly told the mother.
"Can't we use antibiotics? She has been running a fever for several days, won't this burn her brain and make her stupid?"
Our mother can no longer control her temper and went straight to the doctor's office.
The ultimate cause of the fever is intracranial infection.
"Let's do a lumbar puncture to drain the fluid from the brain and have it tested."
The doctor solemnly informed the mother.
This is a late night, with only one doctor on duty, and a graduate intern.
Am I the "little rabbit" in the clinical trial?
Perhaps they are using me as a practice.
"Doctor, are you going to administer anesthesia?"
I exerted all my strength and consulted with this young doctor, but I felt a little uneasy in my heart.
"Of course, we'll apply anesthesia. Otherwise, how painful it would be!"
The doctor started joking with me, seemingly trying to relieve my obvious uneasiness and panic.
Mom hasn't left the hospital building for many days, not even just to go downstairs for a meal.
Many people can't understand why I love mom so much, I think this kind of debt and gratitude is something that not everyone can truly understand.
That kind of all-night companionship...
That kind of worry every second...
I think it's really hard for ordinary people to empathize.
However, five days after my operation, my mother finally got a fever due to exhaustion.
Fever, enlarged tonsils, sore throat, and weakness in limbs. Even in such conditions, just taking cold medicine that doesn't really help, how can I not feel heartache.
Due to my high fever and long-term bed rest, my blood circulation is blocked, causing my soles to burn and swell.
"Rub my feet, they feel really uncomfortable."
Before I finished speaking, my mother was already sitting on the bed, massaging my feet.

"Mom, your massage is not comfortable, I want my aunt to give me a foot massage."
Everyone understands, this is my compassion for my mother.
"Look at your daughter, she knows how to take care of you so well. It's better that you raised her. Let's go to the hotel we opened at the hospital entrance and take a rest. Come back in the evening."

Aunt and mother were talking, Aunt sat at the bedside and started rubbing my feet.
"Aunt, you make me the most comfortable. Aunt loves me just like Mom. When I have money, I will buy you many things. Mom said I should learn to be grateful."
Lying on the hospital bed, I spoke to my aunt in a gentle and sweet voice after the surgery.
"Your lips are still so good at saying sweet things. Your eyes are so swollen that you can't even open them, but you still try to make Aunt happy."
The tone of my aunt's words made me feel full of love and warmth.
"It's not just to please my aunt. My mom even told me once when I was sick as a child, we didn't have cell phones back then, so in order to check the time, you took off the watch that grandma gave you at your wedding and handed it to mom. But mom ended up losing it, and I have always felt guilty about it. When I start working and earning money in the future, I will definitely buy a gold watch for my aunt."
I continued to speak in a coquettish and sweet voice to my aunt.
"Just having this thought makes Aunt very happy."
In that moment, little aunt had already started using a towel to wipe my burning feet, just to make them more comfortable.
This kind of touch, this kind of gratitude, is enough to warm my whole world as I lie helpless in the hospital bed.
During my days in the hospital bed, there are many, many people who come to visit me. I can faintly feel that many people are crying.
"Such a young age, suffering so much pain."
"Look at this swollen head, how can it not be uncomfortable?"
"Grandma cried, grandpa cried, aunt cried, uncle cried, mom's friend cried, my friend cried, and dad cried too."
“妈妈，让大家不要哭，我很坚强的，躺在病床上一点都不疼，也不难受，就是有点热而已。”
我小声说着，让妈妈安慰每一个为我流泪的人。
Later, I learned that my uncle rushed to the hospital after finishing the matter and I was already in the operating room.
At that moment, my uncle cried so sadly.
"I promised her, we agreed on the phone, to shake hands and cheer me up before the surgery. I broke my promise."
Uncle regrets being half an hour late for business, but I don't blame him. Everyone has their own responsibilities and pressures in life, and I shouldn't be the focus.
"Do you feel angry with Uncle? He promised to shake hands with you, but he broke his promise."
At this moment, my uncle also came to the bedside and sat beside me, looking at me with such a caring look in his eyes.
"I'm not angry. How could I be angry? Uncle has his own things to do. Even if uncle doesn't come, there are still many people to accompany me. I'm not that fragile."
I am still using a sweet and affectionate voice to comfort my uncle.
"Sister-in-law, this voice and personality, why does it feel strange?"
I heard this voice again.
"Well, I went to see a doctor too, and the doctor said it's a normal symptom after the operation. Now I can't even speak, I can cry just by speaking a little loudly, it's really worrying."
Mom whispered to Uncle with a very low voice, but I could still hear it. It turned out that my personality changed after the surgery, but at this moment, I have completely forgotten who I used to be. What kind of personality is it?
Strangely enough, I have not experienced amnesia, but I have forgotten many things and many people.
I have forgotten all the experiences from certain stages and I have forgotten my previous personality as well.
The days on the sickbed felt so sluggish, one week's time almost felt like a month.
"When will I get to see that unknown him?"
"When will I get to meet that unknown him?"
"What is this unknown guy doing right now?"
"Does he have a girlfriend?"
Mother and family's dedication, that unknown guy, the silhouette full of positive energy, became my courage and hope to continue.
Then...
The body finally began to improve, and could slowly eat liquid diet, can slowly eat some easily digestible things, can start to eat a little snacks, can open eyes, physique slowly returned to normal temperature.
Using the most powerful antibiotics in the world can be effective.
The swelling in the head has gradually started to subside, and the drainage of blood-like substance is slowly decreasing. Perhaps this is a good beginning.
Lying in bed for almost a month has caused me to lose the ability to walk.
"Get up and take a walk, move around."
My mother's cold and fever are gone, and my fever has also subsided, except for the pale complexion and weak limbs.
Mom helped me up and sat me on the edge of the bed. At that moment, it seemed like my weight was less than 37 kilograms, and I was extremely thin, with loose flesh on my body.
I tried to stand up, but I had no strength in my whole body.
My friend by the side helped me up and I stood up slowly.
I began to walk slowly while holding onto the handrail by the corridor of the hospital.
Turning back to look at my mom standing at the door of the ward, she looked exhausted and aged, with tiredness written all over her face, but still radiating a full smile.
Day 2, Day 3, Day 4...
I have become a lively and restless young boy again.
When did my transformation begin?
It seems to have started when I saw the operating room door from my soul, and my mother cried until she was physically weak with sadness.
It seems that my head is swollen and my eyes are swollen, unable to open. I feel the presence of all of you around me, with all the care and love.
It seems that my soul is out of my body and I've lived again.
Yes, I have changed.
Until Dad came to pick me up, the three of us stepped into the car.
"Mom, whose car is this?"
"Mom, is this our home?"
"Mom, is this my room?"
"Memories started to become confused, and everything is no longer remembered."
"Until today, many memories have returned, but many people and many things are still forgotten."
But still very fortunate...
Fortunate that I have transformed from that rebellious and impulsive youth into the person I am today.
Perhaps, only through experiences can one truly grow.